365 Days

It’s been 365 days, 525,600 minutes and not a second goes by where I don’t think about you and miss you dearly.
You would have been 1 today.
I’m left to wonder what your favorite food would have been, or what your first word would have been, or when you would have taken your first steps. Would your eyes have stayed blue and your hair blond, like your daddy? Would you have had a crooked smile like your big sister? Would your eyes have been big, like mine? I can only imagine how cute you would have looked in your Christmas suit, especially since it would have been your birthday, too. And then I think about how I would have had to wipe frosting off your sweet face after eating your first birthday cake.
All the firsts that I will never get to experience with you.
All the memories that were never made.
They were all taken from me when you took your last breath.

It’s been 365 days since you came into our lives and 354 days since you left, and sweet boy, it’s been an amazing year.
Not long after you went to Heaven, I had so many people (people I didn’t even know) tell me how you have impacted their lives.
I had people from across the world telling me how they’ve prayed for you and how they grew closer to Christ because of you.
My home church became so united through prayer for you; I saw mountains moved because of the unwavering faith displayed by our church family.
Friends became believers. Family members became believers. Hearts that were so hardened to the love of Christ are now softened and ripe to accepting Him in. Because of you, Heaven has become an eternal home for so many people, and I know this is just the beginning of what God is doing through you.

You continue to inspire me, sweet Luke.
To be more patient. To be more loving. To be more generous.
To look at the world and all of God’s creation through eyes of thankfulness, awe and wonder.
To take a step back and always remember that even in the darkest of times, His light still shines.
And the darker it seems, the brighter He is.
This year, because of you, my sister and our dearest friends was baptized.
This year, because of you, your daddy and I renewed our wedding vows.
This year, because of you and because of God’s great love, we adopted a little girl.
This year, because of you, we have grown stronger in our faith, stronger as a family, stronger as individuals, and are able to truly see God at work in the midst of heartache.
While there are a lifetime of memories I will never have with you as my son, I will always remember your sweet face.
I will always remember the way you smelled and the sound of your cry.
I will always remember the way you made me feel holding you for the first time, and holding you as Jesus called you home.
I will always remember your first breath as you were delivered, and your last breath in my arms.
I will always be thankful for the impact you have made in me, and the impact you continue to have in others.
I don’t know what you would have looked like today, on your first birthday, but I am certain that you look amazing in the presence of God.
Written: December 24th, 2014

About Julia

Follower of our sweet Savior, Jesus Christ. Saved by grace. Wife to my dreamy husband, and mommy to our beautiful children.
This entry was posted in faith, God, infant loss and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to 365 Days

  1. jasmine shei says:

    My child would have been 2 in three months. Like you, I always wonder how my child would look like now. Hugs!


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